


Green and Gold

by Waffleberry



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, S3 speculation based on spoilers and trailers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-30
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-15 09:04:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2223294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waffleberry/pseuds/Waffleberry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver acknowledges a milestone in his process of regaining Queen Consolidated but as always, his two lives merge and the results could leave him devastated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It all felt too surreal, this scenario playing out before him. He stood in the corner of the large great room of the Queen mansion, listening as the notes from the string quartet floated into the air, mingling with the chatter of the guests that milled about.

Deep within him, Oliver had harboured a desperate hope that this night would happen sooner rather than later but frankly, he had expected it to be years away. After his impassioned plea to the stakeholders had resulted in the company being taken over yet again by an outside entity, he had braced himself for a long battle to win it back. This night, he celebrated acquiring the majority stake in Queen Consolidated. It wasn’t a complete victory but he was on the right path. He had intentions of fully regaining his family’s company – Queen Consolidated belonged to the Queens – but he was willing to take the baby steps that would ensure he was worthy of that reward.

He scanned the room, making note of the people who seemed genuinely happy with his recent good fortune and comparing them to those who had only shown up to a society event. His fingers moved against each other, twirling the arrow that wasn’t there. It was a happy event but he was still anxious. Something wasn’t feeling right. Raisa found him in his corner and he greeted her warmly, giving her a hug that expressed how truly happy he was that she had accepted his invitation. When it had been determined that there would, indeed, be a celebration at the Queen mansion, he couldn’t imagine hosting an event without Raisa’s presence. She had congratulated him, touched and pleased that he thought of her, confiding that she believed both his father and mother would be watching him from heaven, proud of the man he had become. She had insisted on overseeing the catering and in the lead-up to the event, he had been transported to the innocence of his youth as he watched her moving around the kitchen, directing everyone and everything.

“Almost feels like old times, huh, Mr. Oliver?” she addressed him in Russian, looking at him with the motherly countenance he had come to associate with her. Here at once his past life merged with his new one – speaking in a language he had learned during those five years to the woman who had helped raise him.

“Almost, Raisa,” he replied, a hint of mourning in his voice. He was the lone Queen at this event; his parents gone forever and Thea yet to be reclaimed but he hoped he was doing them all justice with the entity that bore all their names. He took her hands in his, gratitude in his eyes as he confessed, “It wouldn’t have been the same without you, Raisa. Thank you for coming.”

“Anything for you, Mr. Oliver.” The tender look she gave him made him realise how lucky he had truly been before he had been lost. He had been so loved by so many people. And he had taken it for granted.

“I’m going to leave now.” Raisa’s words drew him from his thoughts.” I just wanted to see you before I go.”

He bade her farewell, walking her to entrance and seeing her safely into her car before he waved goodbye. As he stood outside in the star-speckled night, he found himself looking around, searching and yet he knew that he wouldn’t find what he wanted. He walked back inside, intent marking his movements.

He found Diggle and Lyla as they approached the bar, sharing a smile between them. He knew they had made an exception for him, leaving their baby for this night, and he was glad that they seemed to be enjoying themselves.

“Hey, man,” Diggle said in welcome, noting the expression marking Oliver’s features “How are you holding up?”

“Well, it’s not my first choice of night-time activities,” Oliver cracked, eliciting a grin from Diggle, “but I’m surviving it.”

Diggle nodded with a sympathetic smile, which turned into a complete smirk as Oliver shifted on his feet a few times before asking, “Did Felicity say if she was still coming tonight?”

Lyla attempted to refrain from chuckling and had to settle for letting the laughter dance in her eyes.“Well, she texted a few minutes ago to see if we were still here so my guess is that she’s on her way.”

Oliver visibly relaxed at her words, drawing a knowing look from Diggle. “I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t miss this, Oliver,” he tried to counsel his friend. “It’s important to you so it’s important to us.”

Oliver thanked his friend with a smile and then heard someone say his name behind him. He turned to see a smiling Laurel. They had chatted earlier and he supposed she was here for the dance she claimed earlier.

“Ready to hit the floor, Mr. Queen?” She raised an eyebrow at the crease on his forehead. “You promised. No backing out now. Besides, how else will the people of Starling City know that Oliver Queen is happy if he doesn’t dance?”

He shook his head, chuckling, as he followed her to the dance floor, grasping her left hand with his right, his other hand resting politely at her waist. She looked up at him then, eyes meeting his. “I’m really happy for you, Ollie. I know it hasn’t been easy yet you’ve managed to succeed. You should be proud of that.”

He looked down at her, relieved that even after everything that had happened between them, she was still his friend.

Movement in his peripheral vision caught his attention and he looked up to see Ray in the doorway. Ray flashed a grin at him, before turning away to greet fellow guests and Oliver felt the blood rushing through his body as he realised this was the moment he had been waiting for all night. He had been waiting for her. _Felicity_. His celebration would have been incomplete without her. It hadn’t felt right without her there. And now she was.

She was two steps behind Ray, her head turned towards the room, looking for him, he thought. As his eyes took her in, he felt his body seize, breath trapped in his lungs. Her blonde hair fell in soft waves over her shoulders, the green lace dress hugging her body down to her thighs before flaring out to grant her movement. She was in green lace. _Green_. _Arrow green. His green._ The colour against her skin had him captivated and it was only when he noticed the light reflecting off of her shoes that he became aware of her accessories. Gold sparkled on her, bouncing off her shoes, shining at her ears and on her arm as it embraced the large oval emeralds that adorned her ears and wrapped around her wrist.

She beamed at him when she found him, giving him a little wave when it seemed that he hadn’t acknowledged her. He hoped there was a smile on his face – he wasn’t sure what was happening with his body in that moment; it seemed to be at her mercy. She turned to leave him with a smile, going into the other room and he felt the breath finally leave him.

It was only then that he noticed the concerned look on Laurel’s face, her hand resting on his chest as she said something to him. He tried to focus on what she was telling him but it wasn’t making sense to him. She turned to see Felicity leaving and then turned back to him, understanding dawning on her.

“Did you hear what I said, Ollie?” she asked him.

He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Laurel, I didn’t. What was it?” He wasn’t sure how to interpret the way she was looking at him. Was it amusement on her face?

“I said that you weren’t breathing for a while,” she repeated. “In fact, I didn’t feel your heart beat for a moment.”

His eyes snapped back to hers, confusion and comprehension hitting him all at once. “Are you telling me that my heart skipped a beat?”

Laurel beamed at him as she nodded. “She literally took your breath away.”

He glanced up to where Felicity had stood, remembering the vision she had presented. He briefly closed his eyes before turning his attention back to Laurel.

“Isn’t Felicity dating Ray Palmer, though?” Laurel asked him, her face softening as she uttered the question.

He swallowed, nodding his confirmation.

“Oh Ollie,” Laurel whispered, as her hand touched his cheek. “Still, she was wearing green, though,” she finished hopefully.

His lips twisted in a half smile at her as he steered them off the floor, going in pursuit of Diggle once again. He found Diggle with Lyla just outside the great room and as he neared them, he overhead Lyla say “But has Oliver seen her yet? He will lose his mi-“ she stopped mid-sentence as he approached, looking guilty. Diggle turned around to see what had halted her and seemed relieved to find that it was Oliver.

“Digg,” Oliver began.

“I know,” Diggle interrupted, torn between amusement and concern.

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it,” Laurel informed them merrily.

Oliver shot her a look before he decided to leave them, going in search of source of the fire streaming through his veins. He found her walking away from Ray, who was surrounded by a group of other businessmen. He tried to moderate his breathing this time, considering he felt the same powerful emotion as when he’d seen her the first time that night.

“Hey!” she smiled as he approached her. “Congratulations!”

“Thank you,” he said sincerely. “I couldn’t have done it without you.” He really couldn’t have. She had strategised with him, had known what was happening at the company because of her work with Ray in the Applied Sciences division and she had guided him on which decisions were the right ones. This was as much her celebration as it was his.

“Oh, of course you couldn’t have and we’re not done yet. We have another forty-nine percent to get back,” she responded. He grinned at her complete understanding of his ambitions and the way she said “we” as if she had every intention of helping him achieve them. “I was congratulating you on filling this room better than the last time you tried.”

It seemed to hit her, then, the associations with her comparison to the event he had hosted for his mother’s exoneration and she looked at him, the apology about to leave her parted lips but he shook his head, not wanting to resurrect those memories right then. He had already gone through that portion of his evening.

“Care to make it even more successful than that last event?” he asked, a challenge in his smile as he held his hand out to her. “We didn’t dance at that one. How about we really make this a celebration?”

“Only because you didn’t embarrass my plus-one,” she teased. They weren’t aware of it but three pairs of eyes followed them as they walked to the dance floor, significant looks being exchanged amongst all of them. Diggle remained quiet for the discussion, though, preferring to let Lyla and Laurel speculate while he watched his partners enjoy their achievement.

As Felicity rested her hand on Oliver’s shoulder, her other hand held in the warmth of his, she felt one of his slide to her hip, protective and a bit possessive at the same time. His eyes shone as he looked at her; with contentment, she thought.

The string quartet was enjoying a break so they were greeted by the powerful sound of piano notes filling the air followed not too long after by a man's soulful voice.

_What would I do without your smart mouth_

_drawing me in and you kicking me out_

_you've got my head spinning, no kidding_

_I can't pin you down_

 

Oliver smiled as they swayed to the music, looking at her as she moved, eyes darting about the room but always returning to him.

 

_What's going on in that beautitful mind_

_I'm on your magical mystery ride_

_and I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be all right_

 

Somewhere the words made a connection with his subconscious and he knew that the impact she'd had on him that evening needed to be recongnised.

“You are stunning,” he told her simply.

She blushed at that, starting to shake her head.

“That’s just on account of the hair, the makeup, the dress,” she tried to rationalise, looking down at her dress. “And maybe the shoes, too. Sparkly gold shoes could stun people.”

“No, Felicity,” he contradicted her, taking the hand he held and resting it on his shoulder, mirroring the position of her other hand. He leaned in, hand slipping down so that both framed her hips. He moved his mouth next to her ear and said firmly, so that she couldn't doubt it “You are stunning.” He pulled back then, their hands remaining where they were, keeping their dance intimate, blocking out the rest of the world as they tended to do when they were together.

“But speaking of that dress,” he continued, a playful tone in his voice as he ran his fingers down her arm and up to her shoulder before lightly tapping it, “You’re wearing my colour.”

She heard the joy in his statement and was glad that he had appreciated the gesture.

Her eyes met his smirking ones. “It felt appropriate,” she shrugged. “This isn’t just a celebration of you getting back your company. This is a celebration of you – of what you’ve been able to achieve and even if other people don’t know what else you’ve been able to do in Starling City, I do. I’m honouring that.”

His eyes darkened with feeling, appreciation, gratitude and love taking him over as he accepted her tribute, his chest tightening as her words found a place in his soul. He would always feel undeserving of her and everything she brought to his life but he knew that he needed her, that somehow she had become his guiding light.

“Ray thought it was a fantastic idea,” she informed him. “He knows how much this means to you and since he knows of your – other – achievements, he thought it was fitting." Her hand moved, fingers grazing his neck as she made him look at her, holding his eyes before she proceeded. "The ones who know what this colour means are the ones who matter, Oliver.”

He agreed with her on that point but didn’t articulate the other, more important point – that the one who wore his colour to honour him in front of the entire world was the one who mattered most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another one that I've had rattling around in my brain for a while. It was primarily inspired by fan-art I came across in which Felicity was wearing a long-sleeved Arrow-green lace dress. 
> 
> I also think "All of Me" is THE perfect song for them.
> 
> I do not own anything affiliated with Arrow or its characters - I just really enjoy them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the party at the Queen mansion is attacked, Oliver must deal with the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taking a cue from the Arrow writers, the calm in the world of Arrow never lasts. I had an idea for another Olicity scene and it fit nicely into this storyline. Italics are mainly to indicate Oliver remembering the events that led to his present state.
> 
> I don't own anything affiliated with the CW's Arrow

"Mr. Queen?"

The soft question penetrated the quiet of the sterile hallway, rousing him from the interminable anxiety that had overtaken him. The waiting had gone hand in hand with the not knowing and he had trapped himself in his own mental hell, imagining things that would add to the scars he already bore. The truth was that it was entirely beyond his control now and he did not know how to bear that in silence. He had to stand there and wait, helpless, while his life hung in the balance.

He heard himself being addressed again yet he remained immobile, not wanting to face reality right then, scared of what it held for him. Oliver steeled himself for what was coming and forced his eyes open, knowing that he could not hide from the inevitable, no matter how much he wished could. He looked down at the nurse, compassion evident on her face as she held her hand out, offering him something. He eyed the soft bundle in her grasp, trying to determine what it was. She was talking to him and he saw her mouth forming the words "Regrettably", "Beautiful lace", "Had to remove it" and "Didn't know what to do". He realised then what she held. He reached out to take it from her, his chest clenching as his fingers felt the material of the dress that Felicity had worn as she danced with him only hours ago. The dress she had worn to honour him and his accomplishments. They dress they'd had to cut off of her because of him.

He thanked the nurse as he took the garment, this relic of her; this one thing he had to hold onto while he waited to know if she would ever look at him with her piercing blue eyes again; if he would once again feel her staring directly into him, seeing everything within him and accepting him all the same.

The woman hesitated before leaving him, a concerned look sent his way and he nodded curtly to indicate that he was well. He didn't understand why they had even bothered to send someone out with it. Shouldn't all resources should be directed to her - to stopping the bleeding, to keeping her breathing, to keeping her alive?

He moved the green cloth in his hands, carefully looking at it. Blood had soaked into it, _her blood._ There were parts of it that were shredded and torn, and he gently let his fingers run over them, hoping that they didn't mirror her status; that she wouldn't be in pieces, ragged and marred. He clasped the dress to him, burying his face in it as he tried to steady his breathing, wanting to stem the emotion building up within him. He inhaled the scent of her perfume and the familiarity of it was almost his undoing. He felt himself leaning against the wall behind him, needing the support to stay upright. As he hit the flat surface beneath him, his knees buckled and almost gave way, his back sliding down before he was able to stop the momentum, preventing himself from landing on the floor. Tears welled in his eyes and he blinked them back, not wanting his sadness to further tarnish the gown that had been a sign of happiness.

He closed his eyes and unbidden, memories of the first time he saw her in a festive dress came to his mind. He remembered being nervous about bringing her into the field but she had been of such invaluable help that he knew they were better off with her. He remembered the first glimpse he'd had of her as she entered the room, his gaze moving up her shapely legs to meet the gold of her dress. His eyes had landed on her face, taking in the radiance of it as her shining hair had framed it and he remembered thinking that that was how her hair should always be. She'd been looking at her phone and he had been grateful that she hadn't seen his reaction. She had stopped him in his tracks before he moved inexorably towards her, both he and Diggle amazed and impressed by their new partner. That had been the beginning, he thought, of Felicity constantly stopping him in his tracks - whether because her brilliance had impressed him or because she had said something humorous or because she was forcing him to hear her out, he always found himself focusing on her, giving her his undivided attention to the detriment of anything else.

They had come so far since then. She had gone from being the quirky girl that made him laugh to being the woman he couldn't live without. She had gone from bringing light into his life to being the light of his life - the entity that kept him whole and alive, her brilliance illuminating his darkness and embracing him in her incandescence. They had come so far, he thought, yet some things had remained the same. She was still in peril, still because of him and there was no changing that now - she had earned that right as part of the team and he would respect it, however much he disliked it.

He felt the weight of his body as he drew it up, standing once again to keep himself from being lost in woeful thoughts. He balled her dress in his hands, holding it tightly, believing that it tethered him to her somehow. As his thoughts drifted from him, he felt mournful of the night that was supposed to be merry - the night that had become joyful as he had danced with her, holding her in his arms while hers rested on his shoulders as they confessed truths to each other in front of a room full of people. He wondered if she ever knew how much she dimmed others when they were in her presence; how he was so wrapped up in her that his reflexes had been a second too late when the blast had occurred.

A smile had passed between them in the moment just before and as soon as the noise had registered in his brain, he had tucked her under him, one arm snaking protectively around her while his body covered her from whatever onslaught would come. The whole room had erupted in shock and panic, screams filling the air with the fear of confusion and the unknown.

_His face hovered just above her head and he felt it move in the affirmative in response to his growled "You okay?"_

_He felt her hands trying to reach his in an attempt to verify his condition. "Are you?" she asked._

_"I'm all right." His arm tightened reassuringly around her and he felt her hand squeeze his in a gesture of relief. He shifted his attention to look for the others, the pressure of her hand reminding him that she was with him; she was safe. His eyes met Diggle's across the room as the other man lay next to Lyla and Laurel. A half nod exchanged between them confirmed to the other that their parties were fine. As Oliver was about to turn back to Felicity, Ray caught his attention, looking worriedly in their direction. Oliver nodded the reassurance he knew Ray needed and saw the relief as it gripped Ray's body. Intent came over them both and Oliver dipped his head to Felicity, his mouth brushing her ear as he inquired, "Ready to go?"_

_"God, yes. Is everyone else okay?" she asked._

_He warmed at her concern for the others, at her instinct to worry about everyone. "They're fine. They'll meet us outside."_

_They half-stood, moving towards the door as Oliver's arm was raised above them to ward off any falling rubble. A quick glance around him revealed that the roof had been damaged and there was a gaping hole in the side of the building. The cool night air brought a welcome calm with it and as they waited for their team to assemble, Felicity observed, "Well at least you have the money now to fix this place."_

_He smiled grimly at her, acknowledging the truth of her words, his mind trying to figure out what this new menace could be. When the others made it out, they all climbed into his car and made their way to the new lair. The secondary facility that Oliver had kept secret had proven invaluable after he had lost the company._

_Once they entered the door, Felicity flew straight to her station, scanning her feeds for information on who or what was responsible. Oliver and Ray went to change into their suits and when Oliver returned, he found Felicity kicking off her shoes and fidgeting with her dress. She looked up as she sensed him, confiding, "It's not the most convenient outfit for Arrow work."_

_He didn't reply to her then, preferring to stare at the picture before him, etching it into memory. He wouldn't have minded if she wore that dress to their evening work any night - or every night. That she was breathtaking was indisputable, but it was secondary to the electricity he felt at seeing her match him; the delicate lace of her garment complementing the smooth leather of his uniform, both that same shade of green that had come to symbolise his fight for the city. He wished he could behold her in it more often, some sort of primal pleasure rearing its head at seeing her so blatantly ally herself with him. It was almost as if she was declaring to the world that she was his..._

_Ray's sudden appearance snapped his trance and Oliver looked away, thinking how odd it was that for once, he didn't hold guilt at how he felt. Looking at her, he was highly aware of that thing between them, that thing that had always been there, that thing that would never go away, no matter who she dated or how hard he had pushed her away. If anyone were to chastise him for loving her, for wanting her, he would have demanded to know who else should he love, should he want? Who else challenged him while loving him? Who else forever held him to a higher standard, seeing what no one else had and pushing him towards a better self, refusing to give up because she believed? Who else had seen him, actually seen_ him, _so easily? Who apart from_ Felicity, _the one who kept them going, the strongest of them all?_

_Ray winked at Felicity, giving Oliver a fist bump before pulling on his mask. "Let's do this!" he rallied. "You don't go after my majority shareholder without repercussions!"_

_Oliver and Felicity shared a smile at Ray's antics, before the two men made to leave the base. "Be careful out there, guys," she warned, and, with her eyes on Oliver, "Come back home safely." They met Diggle and Roy outside, the latter in his red costume, hood and leather in the same style as Oliver's._

_"Lyla went home?" Oliver asked Diggle._

_"She did, wanted to check on the baby," Diggle confirmed. "Laurel went to the precinct, to see if she could find out anything from her father. Said she'd be in touch."_

_"Good," Oliver agreed. "Let's move."_

_The four men separated, each with his own mark to track as they made the first move in identifying their enemy._

Oliver drew a ragged breath then, as he suddenly became aware of the fact that he had indeed crumpled to the hallway floor. His body had given out, unable to support itself, enervated by the worry and pain running rampant through it. He leaned against the wall, bringing his hands up as he buried his face in the dress again, letting his body tremble with unshed tears. He remembered the dismay when he'd heard the cacophony through his earpiece and he let himself re-live it, trying to make sense of it.

_She had been talking to him, giving him directions on his next steps when he heard the bedlam over the receiver followed by silence. He waited for her to come back, to tell him that she was unhurt but the dead air stretched on and dread seized him._

_"Felicity?" he called her. "Are you there?"_

_There was no response and he waited again, not wanting to incite panic without just cause before he continued, "Talk to me, Felicity."_

_No words met his ear and he tried once again, the desperation starting to creep into his voice. "Felicity!"_

_When he was again greeted with nothing, he addressed the rest of the team on their communications piece."Are you guys hearing her?"_

_They all responded in the negative, Ray's tense "Not since that noise" reflecting the emotion threatening to possess Oliver. In one fluid motion, he had turned in his tracks, jumping over walls and fences in his hurry to reach her._

_"Get back," he ordered forcefully into the receiver. "Get back, now!" The urgency in his voice became a yell as he pounced on his bike, revving it and racing through the streets, one thought on his mind, one frantic plea in his heart - to make it back to her in time._

_He was the first to arrive, discarding his bike before he had properly stopped, his feet propelling him forward as fast as they could. The building had been hit and instinctively he knew it was the same force responsible for the blast at the mansion. Someone was after him and she had been caught in the crossfire again. He tried to dispel those thoughts -_ my life, my choice _\- but all roads would always lead back to him._

_Debris lined his path to her, and he subconsciously moved over it, barely registering the mayhem in the room as he searched for her. She was lying on the floor and he rushed to her, crouching as his hands cupped her face to see if she was awake. Her lids were closed but he felt her pulse, weak beneath his fingers but there all the same. Her breath was faint and he had a brief moment of respite before he saw the blood pooling at her side. Her body had been pierced and her life source was slowly draining out. He cradled her in his arms, pressing his hand against the wound to stop the blood, whispering reassurances to her- that he was there; she would be fine; all she had to do was hold on and he would take care of her._

_"Diggle," he bit out, hoping he was near, "We need the car_ now."

_Questions flew in from Ray and Roy who were making their way back but he responded only to Diggle so that the latter would understand the severity of her condition. "She needs to go to the hospital. She's losing blood." In that moment, he wished he had been as proactive with her as he'd been with himself by keeping pints of her blood in their base. It wasn't just her disdain of needles that had prevented him doing so; deep down he had refused to believe that her life would ever be in such a precarious position to the point where she would need pints of her own blood. He hadn't learned from the last time a blast had injured her because he had vowed to protect her and keep her safe by keeping her away from him. Yet here she lay, on the brink of leaving him forever, pulling the endless stream of "Stay with me, Felicity," out of him until Diggle's voice broke his pattern._

_"I'm coming in, Oliver."_

_"No, I'll bring her up. We don't have time. Ray, Roy, head to the hospital."_

_Oliver lifted her as he stood, his hand never easing the pressure on her wound, as he clung to the fact that her heart still beat and she was still breathing. He held her to him as he took her away from the havoc behind them, sliding through the open car door into the back seat, positioning himself to keep her steady. Diggle's panic only came through in his uncharacteristic hurried steering, driving like a madman in an effort to get her to those who could save her. Oliver sat in the back seat, oblivious to anything beyond the car, virtually oblivious to anything beyond the woman he held, his face bent towards her as he begged her to hold on and to not leave him. He didn't even know when they had pulled up at the hospital, his entire being focused on her, almost as if his energy could be transferred into her and rouse her from unconsciousness._

_When the attendants had come and she was being wheeled away, he made to follow her inside, to follow her into surgery if need be; to follow her to the very end. Diggle yanked him back, instilling some sense into him with his question, "What are you doing, man? The Arrow can't just go inside with her like that." He hadn't thought about that, hadn't cared about whatever ramifications would he would suffer - they weren't important, not when her life was on the line. Ever grateful for the man that seemed to know him so well, he changed into the street clothes Diggle handed him before striding purposefully into the building, not really knowing where he was going but needing to be wherever she was._

_He was with her in seconds, watching as they prepped her for surgery, listening to what the doctors had to say and then walking out to take up his vigil in the hallway._

Bringing himself back to where he was, he stretched his legs out on the floor in front of him, tucking the dress between his sweater and his jacket to keep it against his body; to keep her with him. "Come back to me, Felicity," he thought, "Come back to me, please." It was a whispered prayer; one he hoped she would answer.

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver comes to an understanding about the nature of his relationship with Felicity.

Sunlight filtered through the partially closed blinds on the window, casting a golden glow across the darkened hospital room. A few rays slowly stole their way across the bed, falling upon the eyelids of the lone waking occupant. His eyes twitched in response to the brightness, yet he fought it, holding on to the darkness behind his lids just a little bit longer. Sleep hadn't come easily to Oliver ever since he had been lost all those years ago and he had taken to keeping his eyes closed, even if awake, just to grant them a reprieve. The warmth from the sun penetrated the protective layer of skin, eventually coercing him to open his eyes.

He blinked once, to acclimate his eyes to the light inside the space, letting the rhythmic beat of Felicity's pulse continue to throb against his cheek. He had fallen asleep in the chair next to her bed, his hand under hers, having placed his face over her wrist so that he could feel her heart beating and know that she was alive. The soft warmth from her skin had lulled him into some sort of somnolence and he had woken up, startled to find that he'd be able to fall asleep in the first place. He knew, without question, that it was because she lay next to him, forever comforting him, forever offering him respite.

The computerised beeps from the machines assured him that while she remained unconscious, she was still stable, her readings having settled to the doctors' satisfaction late on the second night of this ordeal. It had been two days since that frenzied night when he and Diggle had delivered her to the medical team and he had refused to leave Starling General since. He had stayed with her, watching over her like a sentinel in her room, prowling the hallways around it when he couldn't. It was gratifying to know that the Queen name still held some sway in Starling City - Felicity had been assigned her own private room in the wing his family had built for the hospital. While it wouldn't have made a difference to him either way - he would have remained there, regardless - it had certainly made his sojourn more comfortable. Diggle had brought him necessitites and he had been able to use her shower, never having to be too far away from his preferred station at her side. There was a comfortable couch against a wall in the room but most of his time was spent in the chair by her bed, her hand clasped in his, the pulse at her wrist giving him constant affirmation that he hadn't lost her. He had never thought he would be thankful for not being the CEO of his family's company but his lack of official position had meant that his days could be dedicated to her while Ray continued the task of running Queen Consolidated.

It had been two nights and two days and while her condition was no longer critical, it seemed as if Felicity were no closer to waking up than she had been when he found her. How he had agonised, lashing himself with the knowledge that this had happened once again because of him; that she had been damaged once again because of him; that she was almost gone once again, because of him. It was only when Ray had updated him yesterday on the reason for the attacks that he had been able to feel a sliver - just a sliver - less guilty about the whole thing. Felicity, in her brilliance, had been able to infiltrate the League of Assassins' network while investigating some system anomalies on behalf of Kord Industries. Her investigation had impelled Ra's al Ghul into action and The Demon had acted, seeking revenge on those who had interrupted his plans.

Oliver gently rubbed his cheek back and forth on her wrist, letting her smoothness comfort him before he sat up, his eyes moving to her features, bathed in the soft light of the morning sun. He couldn't restrain himself from sliding his hand up to her face, caressing her cheek as the soft puff she gave on exhaling alleviated some of his unease. He let his fingers trace the side of her jaw, playing with the errant strands of hair by her ear. She looked so sedate, so still, it was unnatural. She was always a ball of energy, whether it was nervous, awkward, commanding or happy but always, she had imbued him with vitality. She had exuded strength. A wave of emotion swept over him and Oliver stilled his hand by her cheekbone, linking the fingers of his other hand with hers.

"Wake up, Felicity. Please." He didn't know why, after two days of silently pleading with her, a litany of supplications running through his head, he suddenly felt as if begging her aloud would make a difference. All he knew was that he needed her with him in order to do what he was supposed to do. He had not been able to leave the hospital because he could not comprehend going out to defend Starling City without her. He couldn't do it on his own anymore - he _wouldn't_ do it on his own. He had meant it when he'd told her that he relied on her. She was his guiding voice. She was the one who told him that he was capable of better; that he was worthy of better. Even when he had confided the hideousness of what had created him, she had shown him that he had used it for good; that his pain didn't define him - he defined its place in his life. She believed in him so much that he had started to believe in himself.

"Felicity," he whispered, her name leaving his tongue as a caress, an embrace, a prayer and a declaration of love all at once, "Come back to me." He stopped. "I can't be who I am," he halted again, the depth of feeling and truth trapping the words in his throat, "I can't become who I need to be... without you." Having gotten the words out, the words he hadn't been able to utter since Ray had come into her life, he moved his hand, bringing hers to nestle against his jaw, to let her warmth seep into him. "Please, Felicity, come back to me." He closed his eyes, the tears threatening to spill and he inhaled deeply, wondering if he would ever have the courage to do what Diggle had suggested - to just accept the happiness she offered because it was such a rare thing in life.

Distant noise penetrated the quiet intimacy of the room, voices from the adjacent corridor reaching him and he was able to distinguish Ray's amongst them. He squeezed her hand gently before returning it to her side on the bed. The door to the room opened a second later and Ray entered, intent on heading straight for Felicity's bedside when the sight of Oliver arrested his steps.

Oliver cleared his throat. "Good morning," he greeted the CEO of his company, turning in his chair to look at Ray.

"Good morning," Ray returned. "How's my girl?"

 _My_ girl, Oliver thought instinctively, grimly acknowledging the intensity of his reaction.

"Still sleeping," Oliver stated, an edge in his voice, as he used her words for describing these situations. "She hasn't gotten any worse, which is good." His fingers twitched against each other, taking in the suit Ray wore and he offered, "I'll get out of here; give you some privacy." His eyes lingered on Felicity's face for a moment, noting how innocent and fragile she looked in the pale light before he traded the room for the hallway, knowing precisely where to go for the drink of water he suddenly craved. He splashed some on his face, allowing the coolness of the drops to invigorate him and push the sleep out of his system.

In a few minutes, he was back on the wall across from her room, arms crossed while he stared at the closed door. It shouldn't bother him, these moments away from her and he really couldn't begrudge Ray the time he spent with her - he was, after all, her boyfriend - but Oliver resented being away from her. It left him anxious and jittery, his apprehension heightened by this increased distance between them. He supposed he was scared that she would wake when he wasn't there, something he wasn't sure he could accept easily. Deep down, he knew it was because he needed to be there the moment she returned, to know for himself that it was real. He had wondered countless times over the past couple of days if that was how she felt whenever their situations were reversed.

Ray came out of the room, quietly closing the door behind him before turning his focus to Oliver. "Well, off to our place of business," he informed Oliver, trying to sound chipper. "Thank you, you know," his tone taking a serious turn as he looked at Oliver, "For being here when I can't. Even when I can. Well, I guess just for being here."

Oliver looked up to meet Ray's gaze, holding it as he unflinchingly asserted, "Wouldn't be anywhere else."

"Yeah, I understand that," Ray countered, running a hand through his hair, "but what I don't understand is why you feel you this," he gestured to the door behind him, "Is all on you. It's on all of us, really - even Felicity. She chose this life and you aren't keeper of her safety."

And that, Oliver thought, was the difference between him and Ray. Ray was willing to give Felicity the autonomy she deserved in this life they had all chosen. Oliver had never been sure how much Felicity would have told Ray about their nighttime activities - about how it started with his pathetic lies, about how her invaluable wisdom guided him, about how she saved his life - and his soul - time and time again. But because of how it had all unfolded, he didn't think he could adopt Ray's attitude towards her. "I brought her into this." He said it simply, as a matter-of-fact, as if it were the only explanation that would ever be necessary.

Ray smiled at that. He seemed to be debating something internally before relenting, something glinting in his eyes, a hint of a latent challenge perhaps. "I could say the same for Diggle, Roy, me even but somehow I can't see you staying with us day and night if one of us was in there." He stopped for a moment, a decision made in his mind and determination to follow his course of action evident in his stance. "I know how much this city means to you, Oliver, but you've left it on its own for the past two nights."

Oliver looked down at his shoes, his heart beat shaky as he thought about having to leave Felicity to fight for her life on her own in order to protect his city. That option hadn't occurred to him before. _There was no choice to make._ He made an attempt to explain. "I can't be out there with her in here." He had endured that before, had given in to the rage and the tumult and the raw hate for what had happened to her. He had promised her it wouldn't happen again and he would be damned if her broke his word to her. The truth was, though, that he couldn't be anywhere other than where she was. Where she led, he would always follow.

"I get it, you know," Ray said kindly. "I really do." He turned to leave, his words having intrigued Oliver. "I mean, I'm in love with her, too."

Oliver froze, unsure of where this would lead; unsure of where he wanted it to go. Ray saw the uncertainty in Oliver and he smiled and patted the other man's shoulder before walking away. Oliver's eyes followed him before returning to his feet, starting to wonder why he had even bothered fighting it to begin with. It was so palpable that even the man she was in a relationship with was willing to acknowledge it. _To him._

Diggle passed Ray in the hallway as he made his way to Oliver's side. They exchanged a look which made Oliver question whether or not Diggle had heard Ray's parting words. Before he could make his mind up about that, however, Diggle started updating him.

"Sara was able to get in touch with Laurel. She's okay." Oliver breathed a sigh of relief. He had been worried about her, unsure if her association with him and Felicity had caused any problems for her with the League of Assassins and their new directive. "She hopes Felicity will be okay, too."

Oliver looked back towards the door to Felicity's room. "We all do."

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

"Oliver."

At first Oliver thought he had only imagined the murmur of his name, it had been that soft. But his eyes had been tracing the planes of Felicity's face from the couch as dusk approached and he had seen her lips move. She hadn't opened her eyes, however, so how had she known he was there? Was she dreaming? Her voice didn't sound pained so he doubted it was a nightmare.

He was with her in a moment, one fluid motion carrying him to her as he took her hand in his to gently stroke her knuckles, seeking to comfort her. "I'm here," he confirmed. "I'm here."

Slowly, ever so slowly, she opened her eyes. The minute they met his, Oliver felt the tension drain from him, leaving him only with a sense of tranquility that he could not remember feeling in a very long time. She pressed his hand with hers, with what little pressure she could exert from her debilitated body.

"I know," she offered, with a weak smile. "It smells like you in here."

Her explanation sent a thrill through him, this knowledge that she knew his scent so intimately and the suggestion that perhaps she had been roused by it; that it had led her back to the land of the waking.

"I'm going to take that as a good thing," he teased, returning her smile, his hand aching to touch her face and feel her breath against his skin.

She blinked, squinting as she looked up at him. "It's a good scent to wake up to." Either she hadn't been bothered by the implcation of her comment or she simply didn't care but she didn't take it back or attempt to amend it. "There are worse things." She twisted her lips. "Disinfectant."

"And what do I smell like?" _To you?_

She paused for a bit, seeming to think about it. "Warm...fresh." She shrugged. "I don't know. Just... like you." She inhaled deeply, almost as if trying to get a whiff of the scent she described and then made an attempt to move.

"Hey, hey," he cautioned leaning forward to prevent her from sitting up. "Relax." Satisfied that she would remain prostrate, he looked around at the monitors before suggesting, "I should probably get the doctors in here. Make sure you're all good."

She nodded, closing her eyes again, giving his hand another squeeze.

After he had been to the nurses' station, he resumed his guard on his spot against the wall, caught between his desire to be with her, to know that there was no permanent damage, and wanting to respect personal boundaries. Despite what Ray had said earlier, there were certain rights that weren't his; certain rights he had given up - like being in a room with her while doctors examined her; all the intimacy and ease that such a thing entailed - those things belonged to Ray. _Ray_ , he thought. Ray had called him out.

Diggle returned from the canteen, carrying two cups of coffee, one of which he handed to Oliver.

"They're still examining her?" Diggle enquired.

Oliver nodded, taking a sip of the steaming drink, not because he was thirsty but because he didn't want to risk falling asleep now that Felicity was awake.

"You ever plan on telling her about your chat with Ray?"

Oliver's head snapped in Diggle's direction, the answer to his earlier question having just been given to him. "No."

Diggle shook his head as he moved his cup away from his lips. "Didn't think so." He looked at Oliver, the expression on his face could only be described as a serious smirk. "You know I've never really gotten involved with you and Felicity -"

Oliver's eyebrow slanted upward with slight disbelief.

"But I think you need to. I mean if it's gotten to the point where Ray is commenting on it..." Diggle let his statement dangle, wanting Oliver to openly face it. "Look, Oliver, I know you have your reasons - about this life we lead and what we do but if we don't take chances with our hearts, man, then what are we even doing here?"

Oliver didn't reply, his mind still at war with itself - when was it not when it came to Felicity? - caught between what he believed was right and what he realised he couldn't fight.

The doctors eventually left and he let Diggle go in on his own, trying to not be even more selfish with her than he had been over the past few days. His eyes inevitably gravitated towards her door, incapable of resisting that undeniable pull towards her, that magnetic force that had sprung to life when he had ambushed her with a bullet-ridden laptop in an office of his family's company. He had never told her this but that meeting with her had been the first time since he had returned that he felt he could let his guard down and really be who he was. The tilt of her head, indicating her disbelief, had let him know that she wasn't buying his act and in that moment, for that brief time, he had felt... free. When he thought about what lay behind that hospital room door - Felicity alive and safe and whole - he couldn't help but feel elated himself. She had always given him this feeling, he knew, instilling her faith in him. She had given him hope, he realised, the hope that there was more than just being the vigilante, The Hood, The Arrow; the hope that he could be human again, that he could love purely again and be loved; that he could truly live. Because of her.

He knew that she had settled for letting him find that with others because all she had ever wanted was for him to have goodness in his life. What she didn't know was that he could only ever find it with her - that only she could light up the fractured darkness within him and make him whole once again; scarred, cracked and damaged still, but stronger for having been through it all and come out of it with her on his side. Her selflessness had reflected his and he had let her go - to others - because she deserved better. But if, after she had seen what others could offer, she still believed that he was worthy...

Diggle leaving her room drew him from his thoughts and he moved to go inside.

"She's asking for you." Diggle tilted his head with a smile. "Don't know why I'm surprised. I guess she's missing her guard."

Oliver didn't even try to deny the rush of righteous happiness coursing through him on hearing that she wanted him. He slid past Diggle, barely registering the "I'll see you guys later" from the latter as he re-entered his recent home to Felicity's smile.

There was a tray of food next to her bed and it seemed that she'd made a half-hearted attempt to stomach some of it but had given up along the way, realising it was futile.

He nodded towards the tray. "Want me to grab your usual from Big Belly?"

She made a face, as if the thought of Big Belly was unpalatable to her. "I think I'm more thirsty than anything else."

"A shake, then?" he bargained.

Felicity grinned, nodding as she agreed, "Tomorrow." She shuffled to one side of her bed, patting the empty space next to her as she instructed, "Sit."

He shook his head, informing her, "It's okay. I'm all right over here."

Frustration edged into her voice, "Oliver, I would make you lie down because I know what you've been through the last few days but I know you won't so can you please just do me a favour and come sit with me?" Her hand patted the spot again in emphasis.

He capitulated, his primary wish to appease her but also wanting to be near to her and revel in her presence.

She looked at him and he thought she looked so innocent without the barrier of her glasses, so open and vulnerable.

"The nurses said you didn't leave." He wasn't sure if it was meant to be chastising or inquisitorial but he wasn't going to defend his actions.

"I didn't," he confirmed.

"At all," she continued.

"I didn't," he re-iterated.

That seemed to make her happy. She leaned on him, her head resting on his shoulder while both her hands wrapped around his arm for support. "Thank you."

Absently, his hand reached up to stroke the exposed side of her face, moving his face so his cheek met the top of her head. He tried to make his tone playful . "I couldn't leave my girl on her own."

She turned her head to look up at him then, her wide smile brightening her countenance. "I'm glad I'm still your girl."

He looked down at her before turning slightly so that his lips brushed the crown of her head. "You will always be my girl, Felicity," he assured her softly and sincerely. Deep in his heart, he knew; he knew it as surely as she knew it. As images of her in a green dress paraded in his mind, he let the hope in him live, the hope that she had incited, the hope that one day, perhaps even one day soon, she would also be his girl-girl.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean to take so long with this - just could not find the time to actually write it. This is as happy (more positive, really) as I'm willing to go for now. I expect the mid-season finale will make me want to delve further in that direction but we'll see. Thank you all so much for the comments and kudos! I hope you've enjoyed it!


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